Mindful listening is the practice of being fully present and attentive to the person or people you are listening to. Not just being present but doing so with an open and non-judgmental attitude. It involves using all of your senses to fully engage with what the speaker is saying.
Think of it as holistic listening since it’s happening with your whole being. It’s also important to be aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that arise during the active listening process. Without this awareness, it may be difficult to be silent and present.
The Power of Silence and Presence
An old saying that is used to advise people not to talk so much reminds me of mindful listening. “You have two ears and one mouth. You should listen twice as much as you talk.”. There is something so powerful in silence, especially when that silence is mindful and the silent person is entirely in the moment.
When I feel heard, I feel a powerful connection with the person I’m talking to. Can you think of anything that feels better when interacting than someone digesting and meditating on what you’ve said?
The Science Behind Mindful Listening and Its Benefits
Neuroscience research suggests that engaging in mindfulness practices can reduce activity in the amygdala while also strengthening the connections between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. These brain regions regulate our responses to stress, allowing us to be more resilient and better equipped to bounce back from stressful experiences.
Mindful listening can be helpful in many aspects of life, including personal emotional intelligence, workplace communication, addiction recovery, and everyday relationship building. By listening mindfully, you can better understand the perspectives and needs of others, deepen your empathy, and reduce conflicts and misunderstandings.
How to Listen with Your Whole Being
Mindful listening starts with, you guessed it, mindfulness. Being in touch with your whole being is the first step in listening mindfully. Having a stable mind-body connection helps when you are triggered by something or need to keep quiet when you want to scream your opinion. While there are many ways to learn these skills, mindful breathing, observing without evaluating, and meditation are my most used methods.
In the book Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg describes a version of mindful listening that includes observing without evaluating. He teaches that being effective, thoughtful communicators require us to separate our observations and evaluations. It’s not easy sometimes, but it can become second nature when practiced. This can be especially helpful to someone newly in recovery.
Practicing Mindful Listening in Your Daily Life
Now that we know a bit about mindful listening, I bet you’re wondering how to put it into practice. Well, just like anything, mindfulness in all forms takes time to master and to feel proficient at it. Putting personal growth and self-awareness at the forefront of your daily life can be a significant first step in learning mindful listening.
Practicing mindful listening in your daily life can be as simple as keeping quiet when your co-worker is venting about their marriage, not offering your two cents, and staying neutral. After that conversation, instead of trying for conflict resolution for their marriage, try repeating back what you think you heard.
You can say something like “What I’m hearing you say is….” or “Thank you for trusting me with this. From what you said, I gathered…”. These simple phrases help us to feel heard and cared for. Repeating what you heard also lets the person correct you if you didn’t retain the correct information. This is an exercise that can be implemented in many different situations.
Some other ways to practice mindful listening in your daily life are:
Asking open-ended questions: Practicing this helps you get more out of the other person’s discussion.
Looking for nonverbal cues: Body language and facial expressions are a few of the most common nonverbal cues that can help you listen with your whole body.
Bringing your mind back to the conversation: We all have wandering minds sometimes. Acknowledging your mind wandering and returning it to the present conversation is important.
Picking a better time to talk: Knowing when you cannot fully focus or observing when the other person is having difficulty is a great indicator that picking another time is best.
Taking away devices: Screens are one of the most distracting things we have in this digital age. Setting them aside to fully focus helps with mindfulness and listening wholly.
The Importance of Mindful Listening in the Digital Age
Rebecca Shafir, an expert in communication, has proposed that people tend to retain only around 25 percent of what they hear in a conversation just a few minutes later. Mindful listening aims to reduce the internal mental chatter that can interfere with our ability to fully comprehend and absorb the message, allowing us to grasp the complete meaning of what is being conveyed. Doing so can enhance our understanding and demonstrate to the speaker that we are truly listening and trying to understand their perspective.
In this digital age, everyone seems glued to their device screens. This makes face-to-face communication difficult. Digital communication is easily misinterpreted and has stunted our communication as a society.
It’s no wonder we only retain about 25% of what someone is trying to communicate. Learning things like mindful listening can enhance stress reduction and mental clarity for individuals and society as a whole.
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